When there is something that I think I need to fix, I want to fix it right now. I could rattle off a list at any moment of things I think need to be fixed not only in my life but also my mom’s life. But then reality sets in and I have to get a grip. I have to realize I can’t fix everything and I especially can’t fix it all at once. Especially not with MS. It’s quite the opposite actually. It feels like just as I’ve gotten a handle on solving one issue another one comes up and then another comes up. It’s like the game at theme parks where you try to hit the weasels back down in their holes but just as you hit one another one pops up. This is my life, MS or not this is how I feel these days. It especially seems like in the midst of my own “life weasels” there is always something I am trying to solve for my mom.
The biggest kicker in all of this is she doesn’t ask me to solve anything for her. She takes it in stride. She is comfortable with her good days and bad days. She has found a way to cope with the MS weasel but I seem to think I know how she could handle it better. How is that even possible? How is it possible that I would know how she should handle her life with a disability better? I am not my mom and I don’t understand what she is going through. She is the one with MS, not me. She is the one living with this disease everyday, not me. I also can only imagine how exhausting it must be to constantly have MS in your life, like a pebble in your shoe that you can’t take out. I can’t imagine what it’s like. But what I do know is what it’s like to have a mom who has MS. What it’s like to be the daughter in this scenario. I need to better focus on my role of support but not my role of taking over. I can’t fix this and I can’t fix every issue. The one I can fix is how I act, how I respond, how I give support. I don’t plan on standing by and watching this disease take over. But I do plan on trying not to take over my mom’s decisions and instead take over my own decisions to show her the support she needs.