Fighting Thoughts

It’s Friday and my head feels full.  Full of thoughts of the week, full of plans for the weekend, full of life.  I got frustrated with Mom last night for no reason.  I had tried to talk on the phone to her the other evening but she was too tired from her rehab classes.  I tried again last night but my Grandpa was over at our house for the evening because Dad is out of town. I was frustrated.  Husband said I was being too hard on Mom.  Sister K said I needed to relax.  It was just hard.  Knowing I needed to talk to her but she was tired and then she was busy.  Two days in a row.  But now here I am.  About the same time on a Friday afternoon feeling a similar way and I am only tired from a work week.  Not from a rehab class, not from trying to get into a car without falling, not from pushing a walker everywhere I go.  No, I am just tired from the work week.  Mom has all of this to deal with everyday plus thoughts.  Thoughts about MS.  Thoughts about her daughters.  Thoughts about life. 

Mom is still the same Mom but she does have a couple extra things going on inside of her mind.  A couple extra things to worry about that are really not that little.  They are actually bigger than I give them credit for.  I don’t even know the full extent of what she worries about because I don’t know her innermost fears and thoughts. 

So on this Friday as I sit here tired with a full head of thoughts, I think of Mom.  I think of how I am blessed by the way she tries her hardest to keep up with us but sometimes she just can’t.  I need to learn to recognize that.  I think about ways I need to be more understanding in those times.  I need to not be so hard on her and realize she is fighting to be Mom and fighting MS all at the same time.  I need to not give her something else to fight with like me. Instead I need to learn how to fight my own thoughts.  I need to fight to be more patient.  I need to fight to be more understanding. I need to recognize this is part of my mom has MS.    

Have a Happy Friday and a wonderful weekend.  Hope you take a second to fight your own negative thoughts, whatever they may be.  Thank you for coming here and reading this week.

2 thoughts on “Fighting Thoughts

  1. You’re right. There is no manual. Don’t be hard on yourself. Some days, fighting will make sense. Other days, surrender will make sense. Still others, nothing will make sense.

    • Thank you, Judy. You are right, there is no right or wrong and it’s good to acknowledge that some days even nothing will make sense. Thank you for coming here to read my words and for commenting. It means so much.

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