In an effort to try and keep my mind more positive I am taking a step back to evaluate what brings negative thoughts into my life. This is and will continue to be an interesting process. Sort of surprising actually. I believe dealing with Mom’s MS has shifted this into not just an idea but a necessity for me. I have a lot of overwhelming thoughts I am dealing with internally right now. Sister K and I share these thoughts together. But these thoughts, they are not uplifting. They are anything but uplifting. It’s a battle of the mind in some ways. I am fighting to remain positive. It is my natural instinct to fall back on negative thoughts than to stay in the positive. It is easier but not healthier.
It’s a dreary day outside. It is interesting how it can impact your mood. A dreary day gives you 2 choices: You embrace the dreary day and are thankful for the excuse to curl up with a good book or you embrace the dreary day and allow yourself to transform your mood to be dreary like the weather. A year ago at this time I would have allowed my mood to mirror the weather. It would’ve sent a bad mood into overdrive. Now though, now I am challenging my mind. I am trying to make a conscious effort not to go there.
So what do I think about to stay positive today? I am thinking about my kindle. It was my birthday gift from Mom and Dad and I got it this past weekend when I was home. I love it. I am currently rereading Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. We watched the ending of the movie at home Saturday night because it was on tv so it was fresh in my mind when I went to look at the free books offered. More than that though, it has become an escape. A whimsical escape for my thoughts and my mind. It requires a little extra focus to read it because of the English literature. But once I am focused and reading I am absorbed. The feeling of being absorbed continues when I am not reading. I am not thinking about Mom’s MS in my spare thoughts but Elizabeth Bennett. Her mother’s love for her daughters and crazy antics reminds me of a sillier version of Mom. It makes me think of Mom as my Mom and not Mom with MS.
So tonight I am going to head home from work and transport myself to the Bennet family’s home filled with sisters, love and laughter. In a sense I will be wrapping myself up with the qualities I love most about my family. And on this dreary day thinking of that makes me smile.