Seeking Approval.

“Hell hath no fury like a mother scorned.”

This pretty much describes Mom and her role of defending Sister K and me in life. My happy go lucky, unassuming mother remained that way, until you messed with her child. Then she became a lion.

7th Grade was a tough year for me. I switched schools in middle school and had to deal with making new friends at a new school at a time when no one wanted to be my friend. I am not going to relive the experience here but will say it was awful. 17 years later it’s still difficult for me to think about. At the same time it showed me a different side of Mom. I had never seen her so upset and defensive of something I was going through. I learned very quickly you do not mess with Mom’s daughters.

Recently I have had an issue with a friend. The issue actually began during my wedding planning 2 years ago and I feel like it’s finally coming to closure. What is coming to closure is the fact that we are not friends anymore and will not be friends in the future. I won’t get into it but what I will say is it’s hard. The neutral notes: Something sad happened. I acted how I thought was best and would do it again based on the situation and based on everything I was managing at the time- wedding planning, dealing with a Mom newly diagnosed with MS slowly declining, and a Grandmother dying of Alzheimer’s. She didn’t realize the stress I was under. In her eyes, my response wasn’t enough for her. It’s almost a he said/she said situation now. Bottom line though is if it’s really a friendship it’s worth fighting for, forgiving and moving on, realizing we both probably made mistakes- I don’t think she sees it that way. That’s fine. I am working towards moving on realizing it is all I can do.

The point though is through talking with a mutual friend I realized the full extent of all of this on Friday night. I was upset and kind of defeated. As I updated Mom on the phone about it she rose her voice and defended me. Defended me to thin air. No one could hear except Dad who was in the kitchen, but she defended me. I don’t know why but it was nice. Knowing that in her eyes what I did wasn’t as bad as it was being made out to be made me feel less upset. I had her approval.

I know it may seem strange that at 28 I still want Mom’s approval, but I do. It’s also interesting to me because sometimes it is tough approval to get. Sometimes it is hard to talk to Mom. Sometimes I think she isn’t connecting what is happening or what I want her response to be the way she used to. This continues to be hard. I am having to in a sense move on from my quest for approval. Find a way to know I am not always going to have her approval. First of all I am an adult and our relationship is evolving as a result of this. But then mix in MS and how my role as Mom’s daughter is also changing and that makes this difficult too. It’s something I am wrestling with. Wanting approval- not getting the response I want- dealing with it.

Do you ever want approval from the people in your life? If you have children have you ever watched yourself turn into a lion to protect your cubs? Any tough moments realizing friendships are over? My hearts go out to the USA on the anniversary of 9-11 and all those who lost their lives.  

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One thought on “Seeking Approval.

  1. Beautiful:)
    I’ve said this before, but you and your mom are SO blessed to have one another. You guys share such a deep appreciation for one another. And, yes, I’ve pulled my claws out on several occasions when my children have been “messed” with. There is nothing worse than seeing your child unhappy. And I know your mom feels the same way about her girls. You guys have such a special relationship.

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