I like to fix things. Within my family I sometimes consider myself the “peacemaker”/”the fixer,” but a problem arises when I take it upon myself to do these things without being asked. This happened last night…via the phone.
I called Mom in the evening to talk. She said Sister K and her were not getting along. So I got on the phone with Sister K and began inserting myself where I shouldn’t have. She said Mom wasn’t doing her exercises like she is supposed to so she was frustrated. I have mixed emotions on this. Sister K and I try really hard to balance this out- Mom is still our Mom. We can’t make her do anything. At the same time she does need to be pushed and at times told to do things when it involves her physical therapy. This is just how this works in our family. This is our dance.
But the issue comes when it puts Sister K and I in a tough spot. We need to focus on enjoying Mom and keeping our visits with her positive. This benefits Mom and it also benefits us. At the same time we also feel a little responsible to push Mom along. Encourage her to take more responsibility, more initiative with her physical therapy. The problem has and continues to be that this very element of MS is something that has never been a big part of Mom’s life even prior to MS.
The point though of this particular instance is I inserted myself into “fixing” a situation that quite frankly was not my place to fix. I don’t know why I did that, but I did. I think with Mom’s MS I am finding myself doing this more and more. I don’t know if I am trying to shift into a bigger role in my family. In many ways I think all of our roles are shifting slightly. But I have to find a way to balance that shift and to remember that at the end of the day, Mom is still the Mom and I am still the daughter. And in instances like this, I am Sister K’s big sister, not her Mom. And I have to let issues arise and let everyone work them out themselves without getting involved when it’s a situation no one asked me to get involved with in the first place- another lesson learned.
What is your role in your family? Do you ever find yourself trying to help in a situation but quickly realizing it’s not your place? What are your weekend plans? Have a great weekend!