Up and Down

Do you ever ride elevators? I do…everyday. It’s how I get in and out of my office. I have often thought of them as the connection between two worlds. I board the elevator en route to my “working self.” In the evening I board the elevator en route to my “real self.” But while I am in the elevator it’s just quiet and mindless time with myself as I transition and switch gears. This morning I really felt that transition, and in a way, I didn’t want it to end.

I called Dad’s cell phone this morning while I was driving to work just to see how everything was going. It was off so for the next 5 minutes I debated calling home- Dad was either still home getting ready for work or he was at work and in a meeting. So I called….it rang about 6 times, I nearly hung up figuring Mom was there but sleeping and then Dad answered. Dad got on the phone and said he was just sitting at the kitchen table praying for help with everything and I called…it was strange.

On Monday Mom’s doctor switched her spasm medication to Baclofen. Beginning yesterday, Mom and Dad started seeing real improvements with Mom’s walking and her muscle ability. Then last night Mom was sick and my parents had a tough night. Dad doesn’t think Mom ate enough yesterday and that mixed with an active day seems to make Mom’s systems go very out of whack. But regardless, it was a very tough night. I have had those nights before with Mom and they can be exhausting in ways you don’t even realize. To put a complicated experience simply, they are draining.

Dad knows he has some tough decisions to make regarding Mom. He has found a counselor and is going to approach the topic with Mom. Regardless of Mom’s decision, Dad said he needs to see someone. The person he found deals primarily with people diagnosed with diseases like MS and he comes to your house. We’ll see how it goes, but I don’t predict Mom will take this well. I am realizing though that Mom’s MS is impacting each of us differently. Dad, Sister K and I are each impacted by this and the two people whose experiences are the most similar are Sister K and me. While we can relate to Dad, we also cannot because this is his wife he is going through this with, not his Mom. Even though we are all in the same family, the relationship is different. The stress involved is different and the emotions are different.

I talked to Dad pretty much until I got to work and then I stood outside my building talking to him a little longer. I then walked inside and got into the elevator. I stood there with my head leaned back against the wall and just let my mind go numb. I told myself that when those doors opened the thoughts associated with Mom’s MS needed to move to the back of my mind and the positive, friendly and happy employee that I am needed to move to the front. When I leave work today I will shift my mind again. But this morning I was thankful for my quiet and alone time in the elevator. I was able to give myself a pep talk and give my mind a rest behind the doors of the elevator. It gave me a space to be completely alone as I moved both physically and mentally between places.

Do you ride elevators often? Have you ever seen an elevator as a transition place between two different places? Do you get a secret joy when the elevator goes the entire distance you need without stopping? Now for the fun one, have you ever gotten stuck in an elevator?? (I have…) Hope you have a great weekend!

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2 thoughts on “Up and Down

  1. It’s nice you can compartmentalize the different portions of your life. I’m not working now, but in my last 4 years of working, I worked from home. I basically had no boundaries between anything — work blurred into the whole day, caregiving cut into my work day. It was like I never stopped doing either.

    • Well I try to compartmentalize..just as I think I’ve figured it out then I realize I don’t. I feel like some days I am better at it than others…but like you pointed out it is very important and very easy to be something you forget about.

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