Backing Off

I worry about Dad. This is nothing new. I worry he is taking on too much between his responsibilities at work, his responsibilities with Mom, his responsibilities within our family, a lot of responsibilities that don’t leave a lot of time for himself.

I have had quite a few conversations with him about this. Conversations where he admits it’s tough taking care of everything for Mom and how he never has any time for himself. I know it’s not my responsibility to make sure he gets time for himself. I know I can’t control this situation. I also know that it is Dad’s life. He has to be the one to institute the changes. To make time for himself a priority. To take on less. I can’t do these things for him. But I tend to blame Mom. I get angry and blame Mom for not getting it. For not seeing everything he does and still making him take on more. Little things like picking up shower invitations because she can’t drive…grocery shopping…dropping things off at someone’s house…but that’s what these things are…they are little things. Little things that add up and become big things.

Mom and Dad have been going to church at a local hospital on Sundays instead of our usual church because it is easier for them to get in/out of and easier to make the service. The problem though is there are two times, one at 1:30pm and one at 3:30pm. Well yesterday they missed the 1:30 so they had to go at 3:30. So by the time they are out of there it is 4:00 at the earliest and because Mom taks so long getting ready their entire Sunday has pretty much been wasted…and now Dad has other errands to do on top of this. I got upset. I snapped at Mom. I was mad at her. Mad for what she is doing to Dad. I know he is a grown man. I know he doesn’t need me saving the day but I was mad. I got off the phone and was mad. I felt really upset. I felt helpless. Like I can’t fix anything, I can’t help anything and I feel all alone in my thoughts. No one seems to want to improve this situation. Mom doesn’t get it. Dad won’t stick up for himself. Am I just supposed to stand by and pretend this doesn’t exist? I was mad. I am still sort of frustrated about it. I just feel helpless.

Do you think sometimes you just have to take a step back and “let people be” even though you know it isn’t what’s best? Have you ever found yourself defending a family member who probably didn’t really need defending? Do you think I probably just have to “back off” no matter how hard it is to do?

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