“That’s so annoying.” Those were the words I found myself saying to Mom today on the phone while she talked about an issue she was having with her ankles today.
As I was talking to her, something happened. Instead of trying to solve her issues or getting sad myself, I told her “that’s so annoying, Mom.” And I just kept at it, like I was talking to a friend who was having a whole bunch of bad luck. Taking the MS out of the equation. I chimed in with her frustration and you could hear how frustrated I was for her in my voice. Strangely enough, I think it helped. In that moment I was on her side. I wasn’t saying you should do this, you should try this, Mom it could be worse. Instead I was on her side and I was mad at MS for her. I was mad at life for her.
If I think of when I am having a period of bad luck and people tell me “it will be okay”…sometimes you just really want them to get mad with you. Show you that you’re not alone and your feelings are justified. As a self proclaimed “problem solver” I have a tendency to try to fix these things before I allow myself to sometimes really understand what someone needs. Sometimes people don’t need a solution, they don’t need a positive spin, they just want someone to get mad at life with them. Without knowing this you actually help them more by not trying to fix their problem than fixing it.
So today I got mad at MS. I got mad with Mom. We chimed in together about how this is so annoying. How much this sucks. How Mom just can’t win. It felt good.
Lesson learned: I think I will get mad at MS more often.