I Want to Scream

I feel overwhelmed. I feel frustrated. I feel upset. I feel mad. I feel hurt.  I feel so many things that my initial reaction to them is to ignore them.  I like to think I am pretty good at dealing with problems head on but this one won’t go away.  There is also no end in sight.  It’s a problem that I can’t discuss with many people nor do I want to discuss it with many people.  My mom has MS and it sucks.  It absolutely sucks.  I can’t get a handle on it.  I can’t.  I am admitting it.  I don’t even know where to begin to get a handle on it because it is constantly changing.  There are new symptoms, new emotions, new issues to tackle, constantly new.  They also aren’t my symptoms.  They also aren’t symptoms I totally understand.  They are new terms and phrases.   MS also brings decisions that aren’t mine to make.  They are Mom’s to make.  I have no control over a situation that is infiltrating every ounce of my life.  My lack of knowing what to do is driving me crazy.  I literally sit as my head fills with thoughts and have no idea what to do.  I just want to curl back into my shell and do nothing.  I just want this to go away. I just want to scream.

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One thought on “I Want to Scream

  1. finally. a blog from someone whio is as mad as i am. this sucks. what kind of way is this to spend the last part of your life. what kind of way for my husband to endure the last part of my life. kind of reminds me of the first part. bad day. so what else is new

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