A Clear Head

At some point Dad, Sister K and Me have to realize Mom’s MS is her MS.  It is our battle to fight but at the same time it is not.  We can’t make her have a fighting spirit if she doesn’t want to have one.  Regarding treatments, regarding medicines, regarding our plans….we are pushing and pushing and not having much success.  The other day I had a thought- while this is our battle to fight it is ultimately Mom’s decisions what path it takes. 

We will never be able to force her to do anything. Because of that we have to listen to her.  We have to find out what her plan is and respect that even if it’s not what our plan would be.  We are all exhausting so much energy coming up with ideas, discussing plans, alternative medicine ideas, doctors, etc that we are in a sense driving ourselves crazy.  It is consuming us. 

I have tried to blog everyday but I think that’s why yesterday I had to take a break.  There may be other days when I have to take a break.  Tuesday was a tough day and night with some tough conversations with Dad.  I started to feel overwhelmed and overcome with stress from all of this.  I also felt very frustrated with Mom.  So yesterday I needed a break.  I didn’t want to think about MS.  When I talked to Mom on the phone at lunch, I didn’t bring up how she was feeling and we just talked.  It was nice. 

I think I learned a lesson, I can’t just sit and let my worries consume me, especially when its an issue that can’t be solved.  I need to take a step back and come back to it later with a clear head and a better attitude.

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