Last night I flew home from a weekend of visiting my college best friends. I could have driven but got a good deal on a flight and since I am trying to preserve my car until Husband is done with school I thought why not save the miles and fly.
I was laughing about the irony of this decision last night as a huge rainstorm landed smack on top of the airport I was flying into causing us to have to circle the area in the air until we could land. After 30 minutes of circling and knowing Sister K was waiting in the cell phone lot for me worried, we landed safely and I was happy to be back on the ground.
I knew one way or another we would land, it was either going to be in my city or a city nearby. I was praying it would be my city becuase if it was another city I was just imagining the mess I was going to be in trying to make it back. Renting a car/continuing on the plane, how would that work. But when this is happening in a plane you don’t have any choice. You literally have to just “go with the flow.” That is what traveling amounts to most of the time, especially air travel. You have to “go with the flow” because you literally have no control. The pilot is in control and you are in the passenger seat. If you think about it the only thing you have control over is what kind of drink you would like and turning off your electronic devices.
I am feeling like that in life right now. In a way with Mom’s MS I am not in control. She isn’t either, but she has a little more control over how she handles it than I do. But the tricky part is at what point do I have to acknowledge that she may not be utilizing her control in the best manner? At what point do we begin taking part of the control? Realizing allowing her full control is not benefitting her anymore. I know those are dark sentences. Maybe even a bit unspoken territory. But it is there I struggle. There I begin to feel like a bad daughter. Most daughters deal with this battle when their parents are more elderly, their cognitive state more deteriorated, a point when it is more acceptable to take this control. I am a lot younger and so is Mom, yet at the same time Sister K and I feel like we are hitting a wall and needing to take some control. But we struggle because this is also our Mom. I want to respect her but at a certain point I am beginning to think you have to invoke “tough love.”
It’s messy. I am trying to figure that out right now. Talking to Dad about it quite a bit right now. Talking about how to handle certain issues also feels as though we are infringing upon my parents’ marriage. Their way of doing things. The dance they have been doing for the past 31 years. At the same time I also think MS changed the rules on this. This is not just about Mom and Dad but it’s about our entire family. All of us dealing with this together. And the control and the decisions Mom makes impact all of us in one form or another. I feel it’s time for some big decisions. I feel it’s time to stop circling the issues and to just land, as painful as it may be.
How do you handle decisions with your loved ones? Do you believe there is a fine line to be walked in “taking control?” Do you have any crazy stories from plane flights?