I had a family fun post planned for today but I have run out of time and won’t be able to do it. Tomorrow though, tomorrow.
Instead I have just spent the afternoon filling out insurance benefit renewals. Something that I really do not enjoy dealing with because quite frankly it is very confusing. I think I just mentioned the words “if Husband dies I get x amount, he gets this amount” about 5 times in the past hour. So I am feeling a bit morbid.
Today I started a new book called The Middle Place by Kelly Corrigan. It is a unique story about a woman who is married with two children but is wrestling with her father’s diagnosis with cancer in addition to her own diagnosis with cancer. She refers to “the midle place” as the period when the world tells you that you are officially an adult but you still value your parents greatly and still feel like a child in many respects.
I feel I can really relate to this woman’s story in that aspect. I feel like I am in “the middle place” right now. Navigating the world of being a wife and a daughter while even at times still feeling like a child. Over the past year as Mom’s health has declined in some regards I have felt this struggle more and more. The struggle within my own self, within my own family between childhood and adulthood. Feeling the sense that I am having to “grow up” very fast, even though I realize at 28 I should feel pretty grown up as it is. It has been different though because I have felt forced to grow up because of Mom’s MS. I feel like as the oldest daughter there is a responsibility shift occuring, it is silent but it is there. It has required me to think maturely, make big decisions and even take care of Mom physically in some regards- things I didn’t think I would be dealing with for many years from now. I think everyday I feel this pull between childhood and adulthood. It’s nice to find a name for it thanks to Kelly Corrigan, to refer to it as “the middle place.”
This feels like it has been a long week. Do you recall a time or period in your life when you may have felt like you were in “the middle place?” Have you read the book? Do you hate filling out insurance paperwork as much as I do?