A Scatterbrained Friday

I forgot to put on eyeliner this morning. I am not sure how exactly one does that, but I did.

I am also planning to leave straight after work to head home to visit Mom and Dad- and when I got to work I realized I had forgotten my make-up bag for the weekend.

Why do both of these instances involve make-up? I don’t know. I could dig and try to find some philosophical reason or I could just explain that I think I am on the brink of losing my mind.

So with that said, I don’t have too much else to say today. I feel a little scatterbrained so I felt like writing a scatterbrained post to reflect this. I also feel a bit like I am two people right now- on the outside I am the person who appears to have it all together, upbeat, life is going great…inside I am the opposite of every part of that. I told Mom that on the phone today. She said it will be good to come home and just “be” at home. She is probably right. Mom’s do have some magical way of making things better. I don’t know how, maybe they learn it in “Mom School” where I also believe every Mom becomes an expert in the official “Mom look” (you know, the look your Mom gives you that means you are in trouble but you are in public so she can’t address it right now). Hopefully a weekend at home helps knock some things back into perspective or at least just gives me a little break.

I apologize for this post that is clearly all over the place. I was racking my brain for something to write about but thought I’d just see what came out. Do you ever experience days where you feel all over the place and out of sorts? Do you think forgetfulness can be related to stress? Do you believe in my theory of “Mom School”? Hope you have a wonderful weekend!

Confused by Encouragement

I’ve always been encouraged and pushed to succeed. Not in an unhealthy way but in a normal, “you can do this” sort of way. I also have always responded to it. It had the desired effect on me. I push and continue to push myself to succeed. If I am afraid to do something I figure that means I really need to do it- as much as I don’t want to, I will force myself.

What is strange though is I am not sure where I got this from, this trait. Mom is one of the biggest people who has always pushed and encouraged me. She pushed me onto a plane to study abroad, she left my 18 year old crying self at my dorm room freshmen year of college, she moved me to another state for graduate school- she did all of these things because she knew I’d be okay and knew I needed to do them.

But the strange part is the same does not exist in the reverse where Mom is concerned. Mom does not operate this way. If we try to push her to do more where her MS is concerned, she gets frustrated. Most of the time it doesn’t end well. She doesn’t fight for things the same way she taught me to fight. But in the same way I am simply trying to instill in her the same ideals she has instilled in me. It leaves me confused. I don’t exactly understand how that works. I know she wants the best for me the same way I want the best for her- but when the role of mother and daughter switches into reverse and I become “the encourager” and she becomes “the encouragee”that gets lost in translation. Yet I know that in life the person who has always encouraged me and pushed me more than anyone is Mom- at the same time I know this baffles most people because this is the same Mom who struggles to push herself.

I don’t really know where I am headed with this but it’s an observation I’ve made and one I want to file away…I do believe all these observations will intertwine themselves into a life lesson that is forming. I am just not sure what it is yet.

Did your parents push or encourage you to try things you were scared of when you were younger? Have you experienced moments of trying to push or encourage your own parents but not getting the desired effects? Do you think paying attention to comparisons in our life can lead to many life lessons if we pay close enough attention?

Weathering The Storm

Fall. It is one of my favorite seasons. Right now it is a strange transition between warm and cool temperatures- a transition I am struggling with in my wardrobe as well. Dress for the morning when its 50 or dress for the afternoon when its 80. But I am not complaining- the weather is beautiful.

It makes me wonder how much weather can impact our mood. Mom does not do well with the heat of the summer. But the cooler weather brings with it a change in her spirit. Sister K picked me up at work and took me to lunch today. I had been inside of an office building all day but the time I spent outside really rejuvenated me. I felt like I had a renewed outlook on my day. This is also in large part thanks to time spent with Sister K.

I have been thinking a lot about the phrase “weathering the storm.” Our life is similar to the weather in that we have our own seasons and our own changes. Some are dark and gloomy and some are bright and beautiful. But like the weather that is always changing, our circumstances are always changing too. As much as we try to see the storm coming, we aren’t always accurate in our predictions. Sometimes it slams us and sometimes it misses us altogether. The thing to remember though is eventually it will pass. Eventually we will “weather the storm”- the storms of the skies and the storms of our lives.

Do you feel like your mood changes depending on the weather? Have you “weathered any storms” recently in your own life? Do you believe dark and gloomy is necessary because it makes us appreciate bright and beautiful that much more? How is the weather today where you live?

A Small, but Big Deed

As I mentioned before, Sister K went home last week. While she was there she helped Mom around the house with some various chores. One of these was mopping the floors.

Today when they were on the phone Mom told Sister K how she was in such a good mood knowing the floors were mopped whenever she walked into the kitchen. One of the things that gets her down is the lack of things she can do to straighten the house like mopping/sweeping the floor. When you have a walker it is next to impossible to balance while also using a tall stick to move around the floor.

This was a little thing that Sister K did but it made a really big difference to Mom. I believe having a calm outer environment at times can help contribute to calming our emotions and stresses. Mom’s inner emotions and stresses seem to always be amplified a bit more because of MS and this overwhelms us as well. I think we forget that something as simple as mopping the floor can help to calm the waters inside and help Mom’s outlook on her day to day life. Lesson learned- what may seem like a small deed to me can make a big difference to Mom.

Have you ever done something small for someone that ended up making a big impact on them? Or has the opposite occurred in you being the one that were impacted by something small? Do you feel like your outer environment can contribute to your stress and emotional leve?

Hope for a Minute

I am having a tough week. Well more like a tough couple of weeks. It puts things into perspective because there was a time when this had to do with Mom’s MS and today my tough time has nothing to do with Mom’s MS. I suppose there is a silver lining in this. I wish I could take a break from “finding the silver lining” but that’s life.

I was talking to Dad yesterday and said I just feel hopeless. I feel like I have hoped and been optimistic and I am worn out. He gave me some good advice. He said don’t consider hope to be something you have to do forever. Just focus on the next hour and say, for the next hour I am going to be hopeful. When that hour is up you can go back to being down or can try another hour. Take it a minute at a time, an hour at a time, a day at a time and work up to feeling hopeful all the time.

I have to admit it is sortĀ of working. Right now I am in increments of minutes. I’ve made it to about 5/10 today before I have my negativity resurface. It’s not much, but it’s a start.

How do you stay hopeful/optimistic when life seems to be leading you any way except positively? Have you ever tried to incorporate changes into your life on a smaller level to combat being overwhelmed? What is a positive escape when you need a “life break”? This is your weekly reminder- Dancing With The Stars is tonight! Let’s go Team Lachey- get out the reality tv vote tonight so he can live to see another week of dancing!