Tag Archives: family

The Power of Personality

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I wish I could spend time observing and analyzing family personalities. I find it fascinating how much the personality of parents can impact their child. How siblings personalities can be so different yet so similar even though they have essentially been raised in the same manner. Then how much the personality of a person will impact who they attract in life. And the cycle continues.

I think I have become so interested in this because my family is a unique one. I have been asked by many people “what did your parents do to make all of you so close?” Or “what did your Mom do to make you so close to her?” When I get asked these questions I feel dumbfounded in a way. How did we get this way? Could it simply just be our personalities?

Especially since Mom got MS I feel at times like everything but the kitchen sink is being thrown at us. It is testing us individually and as a family on a regular basis. It can leave us questioning our actions and responses. Actions and responses that are deeply rooted in our personalities which are deeply rooted in Mom and Dad. I never realized how valuable and how much of a tool my personality would be in dealing with the big parts of life. And of the many traits of my personality, the part that’s the biggest tool against a disease that has potential to destroy my family- my loyalty. Loyalty to my family who I love. Loyalty to our relationship that I am incredibly protective of and will fight to preserve. Without that loyalty I think I might have given up several times, but I don’t. I grab hold of the people I love and together we continue to fight and figure out our new normal.

Do you think it’s interesting to think about people’s personalities? Within your family does your personality play a specific role? How do you think your personality impacts how you deal with challenges? What is your greatest trait to aid you through your tough moments?

Let Me Tell You Something About Me…

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My friend Jackie at Swerving for Butterflies who I have met in this blogging world “leap frogged me” meaning what I do not know exactly. I do know she gave me this list of questions to answer and it seems like fun to let you know a little more about me. Curious based on what you have read, if you would have predicted any of these responses…

1. What song do you never tire of hearing?
That would be “Dancing Queen” by Abba. Dad and I used it as our father/daughter dance at my wedding and it was one of the greatest moments of my life. People thought we had rehearsed a performance but we just did it on the fly.

2. What things give you the chills?
It seems everything does. I am cold natured and always carrying a cardigan around. Sister K and Husband on the other hand are naturally hot natured and freezing me with the a/c in the car.

3. What event in your life has shaped you the most as a person?
Going to college. I never realized who I was capable ot becoming socially or the caliber of friends I was capable of attaining until I went to college. Middle school and high school were tough. College in a way redefined me and redefined the confidence I had in myself. Of course it also provided a great education for myself, but the impact it had on me as a person is my big take away. (It is also where I met Husband so I guess it wasn’t too bad for that reason either.)

4. What worries you the most on a day to day basis?
Definitely Mom. I worry about her MS and the future. It has given my life a big unknown that I wrestle with on a daily basis.

5. Can you keep secrets? Why or why not?
Yes and no. But if it’s serious, always yes.

6. What do you wish you could change most about yourself? (personality)
I wish I could be more “go with the flow” like Sister K. I admire that a lot in her. My ability to be a planner and have some sort of control sometimes gets the best of me. I blame being the older sister on that quality.

7. What quality do you most admire about yourself?
My loyalty. I am insanely loyal to my friends and family. I think that is why when people “hurt me” I have difficulty getting over it or blowing it off. I would never act in certain ways like that to the people I love so I don’t understand why people do it to me.

8. When you were a child, what did you wish to be when you grew up?
First I wanted to be a pediatrician. Then I wanted to be a news reporter.

9.  Do you ever get road rage?
No I am very much a rule follower on the road. I follow speed limits and drive slow. This drives Husband crazy.

10.  If you could write a book knowing the whole world would read it, what kind would it be?
Thinking of writing one someday based on this blog. It is a secret dream of mine. We’ll see if it ever becomes a reality. Not sure how I would even go about doing it, where I would begin, who would read it, what I would write but it’s sitting there in the back of my mind waiting it’s turn.

11.  If you could filter the news you see and read, what would you want to exclude?
I am a big news fan so hard to think of eliminating it. I really do think it all has a place in our lives. But, I could really care less about sports. I don’t understand them nor do I really want to understand them. This pains Husband greatly since he loves his ESPN Sportscenter and fantasy football league. I guess yet again opposites attract.

Instead of tagging people of other blogs in this post I’d invite anyone who reads this to pick a question and answer it or answer all of them if you want. I’d love to read your responses and hope you have as much fun answering them as I did. Gives me a chance to get to know you better too. Thanks Jackie!

Done Being Polite

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Everyone has an opinion. I always knew this was true but am amazed at how this becomes even more of an issue when your Mom is diagnosed with MS. Everyone has an opinion about Mom’s MS- they have an opinion about to handle the disease, how we should act, how Mom should be treated, what we are doing right and what we are doing wrong.

I was told this weekend via someone else that a comment had been made referring to how we are handling Mom’s MS. Yes this would classify as gossip on their end and gossip on my end. I also don’t care. The comment: “Their Mom is just really not doing well and I don’t think any of them are taking it seriously.”

My initial reaction: Are you kidding me?

But as I write this, I have let it settle and I’ve given it some thought. There are a number of issues I have with this that I have been thinking about. First of all, why do people feel like they have a right to tell us how to handle our Mom? Is it because of our age? Yes Sister K and I are 25 and 28 but that doesn’t mean we are children. I personally think we have done a great job considering the circumstances we have been given and how all of this has happened. We have also been given a big choice in all of this. A choice I am not sure everyone would make the same way we are- We could choose to ignore this situation entirely and let it rip our family apart, or we could fight it. We fight it. But no one commeds us for that. They just look at whatever it is we aren’t doing.

Which brings me to another issue. What aren’t we doing and how exactly are we ignoring this? We have gotten Mom a physical therapist, she is improving little by little everyday, we are trying to keep her attitude as positive as possible but we cannot force her to do anything. I think people forget Mom is 60, not 85 with a disease like Alzheimer’s. She is still cognitively very aware of what is going on and we do not control her life. This is not a situation where you are dealing with an elderly grandparent. I am dealing with my middle aged Mom. The circumstances are completely different.

Mom and Dad are working through this together. We are all working through this together. We are doing our best. There is no manual yet everyone seems to think they have one. There is also no cure for MS. This isn’t going to magically disappear. While I am incredibly frustrated by this one comment it is really just representative of other comments that people mention to us wherever we go. I don’t understand what gives people the right to tell us what we should be doing that we aren’t already doing and why they seem to know all the answers when they haven’t even dealt with a situation like this. For the millionth time and I mean this as kindly as possible- your Mom having Alzheimer’s is in no way the same as my Mom having MS. Your 85 year old Mom is not the same as my 60 year old Mom.

I need to be more assertive when these comments are made to me. I have made a promise to myself that from now on as comments like this are made to me I am not going to just politely listen and pretend to appreciate their concern. I am going to respond in a manner explaining we are doing the best we can. I am going to respond in a manner that is not rude but also not nice. Implying I don’t want anymore advice that I never asked for in the first place.

Why do you think people offer opinions when you didn’t even ask for them? Do you think this is a lack of social skills or something greater? How would you respond? Would you be bothered by this or do you think I need to blow these comments off? Have people ever done this to you regarding issues in your own life?

Don’t judge me but…

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Would you believe I am afraid of the blender? Not a lie. I am afraid of most major kitchen appliances and since I got married I am also now the owner of most of these kitchen appliances. Why would I register for them if I already knew I was scared and never going to use them? Because your wedding is the only time you have the opportunity to get these items and that’s what you are supposed to do. For instance here is a list of items Husband and I now own that I have yet to use after almost 2 years of marriage because I am afraid of them: blender, waffle maker, KitchenAid mixer, and food processor. The last two really freak me out. Go on, laugh or judge.

In the past day I have been thinking about why I don’t just jump right in and figure these things out. They can’t be that complicated to use. What is holding me back. Why do I even have this silly fear in the first place. I realized I have inherited this from Mom. In Mom’s own way she avoids things she is uncomfortable with…and with her MS this has been a big issue. I realized this especially last Saturday when she admitted herself she is pretty much avoiding dealing with MS. But the point is whether it is a big issue like MS or a small one like kitchen appliances, I am doing my own dance with avoiding. Avoiding the unknown, avoiding failure at using these, avoiding having to figure them out. They aren’t something I am comfortable with and in large part because I don’t come from a big family of chefs- kitchen appliances were not readily used a lot growing up. I don’t knock that. In a similar way I have realized Mom’s family growing up was not very aggressive about health issues. It all contributes to fear and being uncomfortable dealing with the unknown.

The point though is I am seeing random qualities in Mom’s handling of bigger issues like MS that may have begun on a smaller level, for example say in the kitchen. I know children pick up traits of their parents. They just do. Sister K even has her own levels of avoidance involving other things in her life. One of mine just happen to involve avoiding kitchen appliances.

I don’t want to phrase this as I don’t like this quality and want to change because I was given this quality somehow from Mom. By knocking this trait I am knocking her and that’s not what I want to do. But in wanting to be different from your parents is that wrong? Is that insulting? And how do you even go about doing it when it is all you know? When the person you could ask for advice to begin with is the person who you most likely got this trait from? I don’t know. But I know I should probably try. And I should probably start by attempting to use the blender.

Are there qualities you have inherited from your parents for good or bad? Do you ever seek to change things about yourself? When you are afraid of something do you dive right in to tackle it? Do you think it is absolutely insane I have a fear of kitchen appliances? Did you register for things when you got married that you have never used?

The Kitchen

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Our kitchen in my parent’s house seems to be the backdrop for all the serious family discussions we have ever had. They don’t take place on the couches in the living room, we never use the dining room, occasionally when we were younger and in trouble we had to go talk to my parents in their bedroom, but the kitchen has always been where all the action happens. It is where our family plays out. Where we eat, where we laugh, where we have spontaneous dance parties, where we yell, where we fight, where we make up, where we celebrate coming home, where we say good bye to our parents- it all takes place in the kitchen.

So Saturday night it only makes sense that when we needed to have a serious discussion with Mom, it took place in the kitchen. It was a conversation of sorts that had been on Sister K’s mind and my mind a lot recently. I knew there were things that needed to be said to both Mom and Dad. We were concerned about Dad being spread too thin, we were frustrated with Mom’s approach to everything, in a way we believe Mom isn’t admitting she has MS. She admitted that to us in so many words as we were discussing it Saturday night. It was a heated discussion. It was tough. A lot was said. I can’t even really remember all of it. Mom was very upset by the time we were done. She went to bed crying and didn’t sleep a lot. I don’t think any of us slept a lot. To say it again, it was a tough conversation.

When we were done, Mom and Dad left the room to get ready for bed. I stood in the kitchen with Sister K pouring myself a glass of water. She started crying. I gave her a hug. I didn’t cry though which was surprising. I did feel a surge of emotions though. I am sorry this had to come to this- I am sorry these thoughts have been brewing inside of our heads and we had to talk about them like this; I am sorry they couldn’t be solved without a big conversation like this; I am frustrated Mom and Dad haven’t taken the initiative to solve these issues without a big conversation like this; I am sad we made Mom so upset; I am sad Mom is so sad; I am nervous about what the future holds; I feel relief knowing I got a lot off of my chest about everything; I also feel worried we don’t know what we are doing or how to handle this; and, I still feel confused as to why all of this is happening to us. Why us. Why my family. Why can’t this all just go away. Where is all of this heading.

In 24 hours we had gone from having the best moments with Mom to having the worst moments with Mom. In the same way that the memory of our wonderful day will always be there, so will the memory of one of our darkest discussions. I think the reason it was so tough is because Mom just kept saying she had no idea we felt this way. Part of me thinks that may in fact be the case. If she isn’t admitting she has MS then she isn’t admitting any of these other issues exist. This is what we are facing now. But I reminded myself and reminded Sister K, if we didn’t care about our family we wouldn’t have had that discussion. We would’ve simply walked away from it all. We wouldn’t be fighting with our family for our family. We would have given up. We wouldn’t care anymore. And that is a situation neither of us could imagine.

Was there a resolution to all of this? Not really. Do I know if it will do any good? No I don’t. But what I do know is Sister K and I don’t feel this enormous weight of things left unsaid. Not making Mom aware of our fears regarding Dad and the stress he is under and not making her aware of the fears regarding herself. I don’t know where it will all head from here. That is where I realize even more so that none of this is in my control. The only thing I can control is my faith. It’s my faith that is going to give me what I need to get me through this. That and a kitchen that has seen my family through the smiles and the tears of my life. Our kitchen is like an old friend. It believe in us, believes in our family. I believe it knows we will get through this, that we will soon gather there again to laugh and commisserate as we continue to deal with all life throws at us, whether it is MS related or not.

Is there a room in your house that serves as the backdrop to the majority of your family moments? Do you have any experience confronting tough issues with loved ones? Would you believe we are not big cooks in my family even though we spend the majority of our time in the kitchen?  

Dad’s Challenge

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Sister K and I are going home tonight to stay with Mom because Dad is out of town on business overnight. Originally it was just going to be Sister K going tonight and me going down tomorrow. Long story short of not wanting to each be driving cars down on separate days I decided to go this evening too.

Dad called the other night to talk about our upcoming visit. Last weekend, Sunday to be exact, I had a rather big blow up with Mom. I don’t know how it got so out of hand but it did. It was not one of my shining moments. She was mad, I was mad, and there was no resolution. I literally said good bye to my parents and got in the car to drive back here. I have never done that. I still don’t feel right about it but at the same time I was feeling very trapped, frustrated and at a loss for what to do next. I knew I had snapped. I also knew it wasn’t all my fault. But my family is not one to hold grudges and play the blame game. So I apologized later and we moved on.

But when Dad called he referenced the argument. He then used his “Dad tone”- very straightforward, kind, and respectful….a way that makes you listen without getting defensive or mad, a way that makes you realize the severity of a situation without getting scared…it is an art that after raising daughters for 28 years he has down to perfection. His words went something like this: 

You Mom is sick. I am asking you to have unconditional love for her the same way she has for you all these years. I know it’s not going to be perfect. I know the house is an absolute mess right now. I know there are a lot of frustrations with Mom. But I am asking that when you come home this weekend to come home and just enjoy Mom. Enjoy your time with her. Don’t focus on the other things. Just focus on Mom. Because it really hurts her when you fight. I know she fights back but I know it hurts her. We don’t know where all of this is headed. So wouldn’t you rather know you enjoyed the time you had with her now while she is at a point where you can still do things with her rather than fighting about all these other issues. I know there are lots of frustrations and I hear them and I am doing everything I can to fix them. It’s just taking some time. But when you and Sister K fight with your Mom then I have to get involved and it wears on me. I realize this is in large part because of what MS is doing to your relationship because we never used to have these issues. The point is I am asking you to just come home and enjoy Mom.”

The above wasn’t said in a mean manner. I wasn’t upset once we were done talking. It was simply a matter of fact discussion. Discussions we have had many times before. Another one that stands out in my mind involved a college “not boyfriend/boyfriend” that Dad told me it was time to kick to the curb. It was 8 years ago but I still remember it like it was yesterday. But these are the kind of discussions where Dad speaks and you listen and understand. And you think about his words. And you let them seep into your mind. And you know you need to find a way to intertwine his recommendation into your actions. In my family when Dad speaks, we listen. This is not at all in a drill sergeant manner but in a my Dad means the world to me and I want to do right by him manner.

So in so many words that is what I will be trying to do this weekend. Not get frustrated by the other issues. Not get overwhelmed by our messy house or other things of that nature. I will just enjoy Mom. And come Monday I will tell you how successful I was at putting everything else aside.

I know it is a day early but have a nice weekend. Want to join me in my challenge? Try not to sweat the small stuff and focus on enjoying your loved ones this weekend.

Focus on the Past

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“Your kid is your kid and wherever they take you, you go.” -The Middle Place, Kelly Corrigan

I am in the midst of reading The Middle Place as I mentioned last week. It is different than the lighter, chick flick literary works I normally gravitate towards. I knew I would enjoy it but I am amazed how much I can identify with it on different levels. Her story is not my story but her relationship with her parents, especially her Dad reminds me of myself in many ways. Every once in awhile there is a quote that really zings me. The above is exactly that. This probably won’t be the last time I quote this book either.

Growing up Sister K and I were always busy with activities. Dance classes, baton twirling, gymnastics, cheerleading, tennis lessons, swim lessons. At some point in our childhood we participated in one of the above. We were never very musical but Sister K did have dreams of becoming Wynona Judd on her guitar from the ages of about 7 to 11. 

Our fun-filled-chaotic childhood would not have been possible without the support of my parents. Mom and Dad were a team. Mom did most of the chauffering but Dad also did pick up too. On the weekends if there was a performance or a competition they were there. They were cheering us on. They were doing this in many ways for the reason in the quote above, we were their girls and wherever our dreams wanted to take us, they were coming along too. I don’t imagine Sister K or I would be the two women we are today without those activities and without Mom and Dad’s support and sacrifices. This is a fact not lost on me at all.

Recently though I have been thinking about Mom and Dad and the parent team they have led for so long. Mom’s MS is changing the dynamics of the team. Dad is playing more of a lead role while Mom is on the sidelines a bit more. It is hard watching this transition. It honestly just occurred to me last weekend as I was sitting and talking with Dad that in many ways he has the entire responsibility of this family on him. He is becoming the primary parent. Mom is still very involved but it is different. MS is limiting what she can and cannot do. It is limiting her involvement physically and mentally as well. As the story goes with all things MS, my family is changing.

I am struggling with these changes to my family dynamic. A dynamic I have been a part of for the past 28 years of my life. A dynamic I love. Lately it seems to be getting more difficult. My patience is wearing thin. My frustration is showing more. The “why me’s” are being said more often. But this quote made me pause and think. It helped me take a minute to remember the past and think that maybe I need to focus on it at times. To cherish my childhood more. To hold on to the memories. And to not forget how it once was. I know it will never be that way again. In forcing myself to think about and really remember my childhood it can help me in the way I view Mom. It can help me to focus more on her as Mom and not Mom with MS. MS seems to be impacting my view of her more and it shouldn’t. I am struggling with that. I need to continue to find a way to not alter the way I view my relationship with Mom because of MS. I know our relationship is changing but I need to do what I can to minimize those changes where possible.

What was your childhood like? What kind of activities did you participate in? Do you think it is easy to forget all the sacrifices your parents made for you as you get older and they get older too? How do you handle changes in family dynamics? Any fellow ex-baton twirlers out there? Let me just say Husband thought my baton twirling days were hysterical when we first started dating.

Seeing Sea World in a Different Way

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7.6.12 Sea World Day

For the past few years, Dad and I have wanted to go to Sea World. We say this and then it never happens. This year I decided we were making it happen. I picked a day, I sent out an official “Save the Date” email to my family and we all had it on the calendar. Even Husband came for the day. I think halfway through he couldn’t believe he was actually at Sea World with his inlaws and no children but I know he secretly had a fun time.

Regardless of it being a silly day of family fun, I was a little anxious because of Mom. We needed to rent her a scooter and the website says they are first come first served. I knew try as we might we were not going to be there at 10am when the gates opened. We run about an hour late to everything we have planned and this would be no exception. Arriving around 11 we were right on time in my family’s world. But having never done this before, I wasn’t sure how fast they went or how difficult it was to get one.

I was also nervous because of the heat and the impact it can have on Mom’s MS. We made sure Mom stayed really hydrated during the day and we paid an extra $10 and got the covered umbrella hanger above her scooter which was the best investment we could have made. Sea World is unique in that you can stay out of the sun fairly easy. We saw every show and they are all held under covered areas. We sat in the handicap accessible seating at the top so there was also a nice breeze. We also made sure to spend lots of time inside indoor air conditioned exhibits.  Mom made it the entire day and we were all so proud of her by the end of it. I think she was even amazed with herself having told us she was trying to predict beforehand how long she would last before needing someone to take her home.

It was one of the most fun days my family has had this summer. It showed me that yes MS has made simple outings like this a little more challenging but we have to press on regardless. We have to keep living our life. We have to keep having our family adventures, going to different places and not just locking ourselves up at home. It requires more planning, it requires more organization and it also brings with it a lot more unknowns. These are all little things I struggle with. I am a planner and I really like to have my plan, know what’s going to happen and stick to it. I am “slowly” learning though that I am going to need to just roll with it. Roll with the changes, embrace the unexpected and just deal with it. Know going into things that there will be unexpected things that happen, changes that we can’t anticipate and get comfortable embracing this. In embracing the unexpected I am also growing as a person. How I handle Mom’s MS as we navigate the world outside of our house is teaching me how to better cope when plans don’t work out. It’s also teaching me the art of a back up plan created on the fly.

My family had such a great time at Sea World and the thought that we might not have gone because of MS taught me a big lesson. As a family we need to commit to retaining these fun moments and really enjoying them. I don’t know what tomorrow brings but I know that today brings a day of fun that needs to be cherished and embraced. 

Below are pictures from Sea World Day:

 Mom and Me strolling along to the Dolphins show. Check out Mom’s fancy Sea World scooter rental. These things are awesome.

Dad above and Sister K below feeding the ducks. A mandatory stop for my family because of Mom’s obsession with flamingos seen in the background. The ducks liked Dad a little more than Sister K….

 Inside the giant, air conditioned aquarium watching the fish with Mom. It was actually very relaxing.

 Dad has to have knee surgery in about a month because he has torn his meniscus. Becuase of this after walking around most of the day his knee was starting to bother him so we went and got Mom’s actual wheelchair (not the Sea World rental) to roll him around in. Sister K and I just had to laugh looking at both of our parents in wheelchairs.

*Only person not pictured in these is Husband. He was the one responsible for taking most of these pictures. I promise he was there..even if he can’t believe it himself.

How do you embrace the unexpected? Do you struggle with having no control in certain situations sometimes? Does your family enjoy silly family fun outings? When was the last time you went to Sea World?

 

Reading and Living in “The Middle Place”

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I had a family fun post planned for today but I have run out of time and won’t be able to do it. Tomorrow though, tomorrow.

Instead I have just spent the afternoon filling out insurance benefit renewals. Something that I really do not enjoy dealing with because quite frankly it is very confusing. I think I just mentioned the words “if Husband dies I get x amount, he gets this amount” about 5 times in the past hour. So I am feeling a bit morbid.

Today I started a new book called The Middle Place by Kelly Corrigan. It is a unique story about a woman who is married with two children but is wrestling with her father’s diagnosis with cancer in addition to her own diagnosis with cancer. She refers to “the midle place” as the period when the world tells you that you are officially an adult but you still value your parents greatly and still feel like a child in many respects. 

I feel I can really relate to this woman’s story in that aspect. I feel like I am in “the middle place” right now. Navigating the world of being a wife and a daughter while even at times still feeling like a child. Over the past year as Mom’s health has declined in some regards I have felt this struggle more and more. The struggle within my own self, within my own family between childhood and adulthood. Feeling the sense that I am having to “grow up” very fast, even though I realize at 28 I should feel pretty grown up as it is. It has been different though because I have felt forced to grow up because of Mom’s MS. I feel like as the oldest daughter there is a responsibility shift occuring, it is silent but it is there. It has required me to think maturely, make big decisions and even take care of Mom physically in some regards- things I didn’t think I would be dealing with for many years from now. I think everyday I feel this pull between childhood and adulthood. It’s nice to find a name for it thanks to Kelly Corrigan, to refer to it as “the middle place.”

This feels like it has been a long week. Do you recall a time or period in your life when you may have felt like you were in “the middle place?” Have you read the book? Do you hate filling out insurance paperwork as much as I do?

Circling The Issues

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Last night I flew home from a weekend of visiting my college best friends. I could have driven but got a good deal on a flight and since I am trying to preserve my car until Husband is done with school I thought why not save the miles and fly.

I was laughing about the irony of this decision last night as a huge rainstorm landed smack on top of the airport I was flying into causing us to have to circle the area in the air until we could land. After 30 minutes of circling and knowing Sister K was waiting in the cell phone lot for me worried, we landed safely and I was happy to be back on the ground.

I knew one way or another we would land, it was either going to be in my city or a city nearby. I was praying it would be my city becuase if it was another city I was just imagining the mess I was going to be in trying to make it back. Renting a car/continuing on the plane, how would that work. But when this is happening in a plane you don’t have any choice. You literally have to just “go with the flow.” That is what traveling amounts to most of the time, especially air travel. You have to “go with the flow” because you literally have no control. The pilot is in control and you are in the passenger seat. If you think about it the only thing you have control over is what kind of drink you would like and turning off your electronic devices.

I am feeling like that in life right now. In a way with Mom’s MS I am not in control. She isn’t either, but she has a little more control over how she handles it than I do. But the tricky part is at what point do I have to acknowledge that she may not be utilizing her control in the best manner? At what point do we begin taking part of the control? Realizing allowing her full control is not benefitting her anymore. I know those are dark sentences. Maybe even a bit unspoken territory. But it is there I struggle. There I begin to feel like a bad daughter. Most daughters deal with this battle when their parents are more elderly, their cognitive state more deteriorated, a point when it is more acceptable to take this control. I am a lot younger and so is Mom, yet at the same time Sister K and I feel like we are hitting a wall and needing to take some control. But we struggle because this is also our Mom. I want to respect her but at a certain point I am beginning to think you have to invoke “tough love.”

It’s messy. I am trying to figure that out right now. Talking to Dad about it quite a bit right now. Talking about how to handle certain issues also feels as though we are infringing upon my parents’ marriage. Their way of doing things. The dance they have been doing for the past 31 years. At the same time I also think MS changed the rules on this. This is not just about Mom and Dad but it’s about our entire family. All of us dealing with this together. And the control and the decisions Mom makes impact all of us in one form or another. I feel it’s time for some big decisions. I feel it’s time to stop circling the issues and to just land, as painful as it may be.

How do you handle decisions with your loved ones? Do you believe there is a fine line to be walked in “taking control?” Do you have any crazy stories from plane flights?